Two With Water Issue 2 Release Party

It's finally here! if you remember back to my post from January 1, 2011, one of my short stories, "Moose and the Virgin Mary," was accepted for publication.  And that day is finally here.


It's the Two With Water Issue 2 Release Party.  Sunday, May 20, 2012 at Beauty Bar (1444 W. Chicago Avenue, Chicago, IL).  The fun kicks off at 7pm and the party rolls until 10:00pm.


We've got a night full of readings, including Jeffrey Brown, Mairead Case, April Galarza, some guy named Mike Smolarek, Keith Buzzard, Sondra Morin and Bobby Evers.


But wait, there's more.  Music by Michael Mroz and Panda Riot.


Enticed yet?  How about hosted cocktails from 7-8pm by Jack Daniels Honey.

The new issue of TWW is here!

All of this for a $5 suggested donation at the door to support Two With Water.

Hope to see you there.  And for those of you who can't make it, I'll let you know where you can pick up your copy of Two With Water Issue 2 next week.

Thanks for reading.

NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Round 2 Predictions

NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs-Round 2 (Conference Semifinals)

Round 2 is already begun and now it's time for thoughts on what happened in round 1 and what to expect in round 2.

First of all, how did I do?  Well, not very well.  I got the monkey score, 4-8 (for those of you who did not have Saul Ploplys for high school physics, the monkey is the score a monkey would get on a test if he randomly guessed the answers).  Fortunately for me, the experts didn't fare much better.  Only 4 did better, 4 the same and 4 even did worse.  To put that into perspective, a monkey did as well or better than eight out of the twelve experts (and me).

Things of note in the first round:  There were a lot of overtime games, including 5 straight between the Blackhawks and the Coyotes, three of them ending in pain for Hawks fans.  There were a million suspensions, dirty hits and dumb plays and it was getting hard to stomach at times.  I f Shea Weber just would have gotten more than the meager $2,500 fine he received for slamming Henrik Zetterberg's head into the glass after the game had ended, maybe things wouldn't have gotten out of hand.  And maybe the referees need a suspension or two, especially after the missed not one, not two, but THREE SEPARATE PENALTIES on Raffi Torres's hit to Marian Hossa.  Here's how you know the rules are messed up: Shea Weber gets just a  $2,500 fine for his act against Zetterberg and Joel Quinnville earns at $10,000 fine for saying the officiating was "horrendous."  Words stronger than actions?  Let's get this ironed out, NHL.

For the second straight year the Hawks get knocked out in the first round, so I went on hockey hiatus for a week.  But now I am back for my round 2 predictions, again, trying to top the ESPN experts.

Western Conference Semifinals

St. Louis Blues vs. Los Angeles Kings

My friends in St. Louis are probably going to be upset with me, but there is something about the Kings right now that makes it hard to pick against them.  If you would have asked me this question ten days ago, I might have picked the Blues.  The Blues dominated the Sharks, who were an average team this year, and the Kings destroyed the Canucks, limiting them to a handful of goals over their five game series.  Jonathan Quick has been incredible.  Overall the teams are very similar, great goaltending, strong defense and just enough scoring to win.  I think the Kings are just a little bit better right now.  Kings in 7

Phoenix Coyotes vs.  Nashville Predators

Mike Smith is the main reason the Coyotes ousted the Blackhawks in the first round, but there were a lot of other reasons, too.  They won the puck battles, they blocked shots, and they played well short-handed.  The Preds looked good against the Wings (a team that clearly needs some changes in the off season) and I still think they have what it takes.  This is Nashville's best chance, and with their slew of impending free agents, it might be their only chance.  If they can score early and hold the lead, they can hold off Phoenix.  The Coyotes barely trailed at all in the first round and were able to bounce back three times after giving up late game leads to win, so you don't want to be trailing them late in the game.  Nashville in 7.

Eastern Conference Semifinals

New York Rangers vs. Washington Capitals

I still can't figure out how the Caps came back to knock of the Bruins, but they did, with Ovechkin's minutes down.  The Bruins got spotty play from Tim Thomas and Braden Holtby played well for the Caps.  Holtby has now played more games in the playoffs than he did during the regular season.   The Rangers were pushed to a seventh game before taking out the scrappy Ottawa Senators.  My money is on the Blue shirts.  Rangers in 7.

Philadelphia Flyers vs. New Jersey Devils

It took back to back overtime wins for New Jersey to KO the Panthers in the first round (Panthers fans got used to seeing their team lose in overtime/shootouts late in the season), while Philadelphia was on fire in the first round against the heavily favored Penguins in a wild series.  Pittsburgh played dumb, couldn't stay out of the box, couldn't keep the puck out of the net when they were shorthanded and now their season is over (PHI was 12/25 on the power play).  Some of the Flyers who had average regular seasons have come alive in the playoffs (Danny Briere I am looking at you).  It's not often you give up four and a half goals a game in the playoffs and win the series but the Flyers did that in the first round .  Unless Marty Brodeur jumps into the way back machine and channels his 1995 self, Flyers in 7.

Thanks for reading.  See you for the Conference finals.

NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Round 1 Predictions

Who will get to drink from Lord Stanley's cup, or perhaps drop it in a pool.

With the NHL playoffs starting, it’s time to step away from our regularly schedule blog to talk Stanley Cup playoffs.  I’ll give you my take on the playoffs and who is going to win as I try to out-expert the ESPN hockey experts.

First a few notes: four teams from the Central division made the Western conference playoffs.  In both conferences, the 3^rd division winner would have earned the 7^th seed if seeding were based on season points.  And it sure seemed like no one wanted to win the Southeast.  Now let the best tournament in professional sports begin.

Eastern Conference

#1 Seed NY Rangers vs. #8 Seed Ottawa Senators

Someone forgot to tell the Senators they weren’t supposed to make the playoffs, so they found a way to make it in a year after breaking up their aging team and missing the playoffs.  They are only a few years removed from a Stanley Cup finals appearance.  Don’t expect too much from the Senators against the Rangers, who have been one of the top teams all season long.  They play solid defense and have all-world goaltender Henrik Lunqvist.  This series should be short.  Rangers in 5.

#2 Seed Boston Bruins vs. #7 Seed Washington Capitals

Last year’s Stanley Cup champs quietly snagged the second seed in the East.  The lineup is deep and tough, but Tuukka Rask is not likely to play and the ageless Tim Thomas struggled down the stretch.  As for the Caps, they had a chance to snag the Southeast Division crown and the third seed as the Florida Panthers falter down the stretch, but couldn’t get it together until the last few games and were unable to catch the Panth.  Fact: the Caps had a lower winning percentage after Bruce Boudreau got the axe than while he still was in charge.  They have goaltending issues themselves, but cannot match the Bruins anywhere else.  Unless Ovechkin hoists the Caps on his back, Bruins in six.

#3 Florida Panthers vs. #6 New Jersey Devils

The Panthers tried their best to back out of the playoffs, lost eight of their last ten including blowing a 3-0 lead against Winnipeg to lose 5-4 in OT when I was in attendance last week, but held off the Caps to clinch the 3^rd seed and make the playoffs for the first time since 2000.   The Devils overcame a slow start, including a rough first half of the season by goaltender Martin Brodeur to crack the century mark in points as their younger players stepped up and some old stalwarts had good seasons.  My heard says pick the Panthers, hoping they can recapture the magic from their run to the finals in 1996, but my head says Devils in six.

#4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #5 Philadelphia Flyers

Concussions.  Fights.  Coaches standing up on the dashers calling each other out.   Malkin, Crosby, Staal, Letang, and Fleury.  Claude Giroux, Hartnall, Jagr and Bryzgalov.   This is the series everyone wants to see.  The Penguins survived a ton of injuries this season and are playing their best hockey of the year.  Evgeni Malkin will win the Hart trophy as MVP, and, oh yeah, Sidney Crosby is healthy and racking up points faster than anyone else.  Thrown on Marc Andre Fleury setting franchise records for career wins and wins in a season, and a team with a ton of playoff experience, and its easy to see why this team is the top pick to win the Cup.  But don’t sell the Flyers short.  Just eight months after trading away Mike Richards and Jeff Carter, and losing Chris Pronger for the season, the Flyers are back in the thick of things, with Claude Giroux having a breakout season.  Goaltending has been up and down for the Flyers and they are wondering which Ilya Bryzgalov will show up for the playoffs.  This will be a great series.  Pens in seven.

Western Conference

#1 Vancouver Canucks vs. #8 Los Angeles Kings

Vancouver caught fire the last few weeks of the season to clinch the President’s trophy.  They are deep, skilled, and experienced.  Daniel Sedin returned to practice this week and will play.  Ryan Kesler plays the type of game that gets noticed more in the playoffs, but the questions are about Bobby Lou.  I think Luongo will be on a short leash, as backup Corey Schneider has played excellent this season.  The Kings had a chance to with the Pacific and sew up a 3 seed but came up short the last week.  Jamie Quick has been unbelievable at times this season.  If he gets hot and Luongo falters and the Canucks get their confidence shaken, the Kings can steal this series, especially if they get ahead early.  Canucks in seven.

#2 St. Louis Blues vs. #7 San Jose Sharks

I remember when the Blues past the Blackhawks in the standings in February and I thought “Hey, where did they come from.”  Then I saw them dominated a game against the Hawks, hitting like crazy and jumping all over every loose puck.  Ken Hitchcock, no doubt winner of the Jack Adams coach of the year award, got these guys humming after the Blues fired Davis Payne.  They have no superstars, but a lot of great players—David Backes, David  Perron, T.J. Oshie, Alex Pietrangelo--  and by far the best goaltending this season.  Both Jaroslav Halak and Brian Elliot had GAA’s below 2.00 this season.  San Jose got hot the last week not only to clinch a spot but to sneak past the Kings into the seventh slot.  Other than that, they are a mess.  Joe Thornton’s point totals were down, Martin Havlat was hurt for most of the season--surprise, surprise—they are not very deep, they are thin on D and are maddeningly inconsistent.  Blues in six.

#3 Phoenix Coyotes vs. #6 Chicago Blackhawks

Still adrift while looking for new ownership, the Coyotes quietly won their division riding Mike Smith’s incredible play over the last two weeks of the season.  Ray Whitney, at almost age 40, led the team in scoring and former Blackhawk Radim Vrbata eclipsed the 30 goal mark.  They play solid team defense but don’t score much.  The Hawks were the top team in the west until their nine game losing streak in February and survived the loss of Jonathan Toews while he was out with a concussion.  They hope to have him back for the playoffs, but more importantly need Corey Crawford to play like he did during the last 15 games of the season.  Hawks in six.

#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 Detroit Red Wings

This is the 22^nd straight playoffs for the Wings, the current longest streak in sports.  After talking Alexander Radulov into returning to the NHL, this might be Nashville’s best chance to go deep in the playoffs, as Shea Weber and Ryan Suter are both free agents this summer.  Detroit is finally healthy, but must rely on Jimmy Howard in goal, who was inconsistent during the season and battled injuries the last month or so.  Detroit was great at home this season, but not so great on the road.  This will be a great series, with Nashville winning in seven.

Jobs: Part 1

Jobs

So I had my review at work this week.  It went well, but that’s not the story.  The story is that I’ve been working for the same company for fifteen years now.  I started there the day after I graduated college.

Now, before you say, “How boring,” let me explain.  It’s not like I have done the same exact thing over the last fifteen years.  I have had a wide variety of responsibilities at my current place of work and I even worked in four different buildings over the years.  But it got me thinking about two things: have any of my friends had the same job this long?

I can think of two people I know in my circle of friends who work have the same employer now as when they started their working careers.  Wait, make that three.  One, who doesn’t really like her job, one who works for the Military-Industrial complex, and one guy who I’m pretty sure is looking for a new job.

Why don’t people stay at the same jobs for a long time now?

  

Then I started to think about all of the jobs I’ve had in my life.  Now, granted, it’s been a long time since I’ve worked elsewhere and I’ve had the same boss for the last fifteen years, but I did get a variety of works experience when I was younger. 

Being a Newsie!

I was a badass on this big boy. 

I started by delivering newspapers.  My brother was a carrier for the Countryside Reminder, a weekly paper made up mostly of advertising.  He’d be on his bike and I’d be pedaling behind him on my Big Wheel (insert big wheel picture).  I was four years old.  Sadly, the Countryside Reminder ended its print run, and my brother lost his route.  As I got older, I had my own route, delivering the Weekly Advertiser, a paper I’m pretty sure every recipient immediately tossed in the garbage.   I had 120 townhouses to deliver to every Thursday before five p.m. at a rate of four cents a paper.  I earned a solid four dollars and eighty cents a week, paid bi-weekly.  It felt great to deposit nearly ten bucks in my passbook savings account every other Saturday morning.  Later on, I split a Daily Herald route with a friend.  Two days a week he’d do it alone, two days a week, I’d do it alone, and three days, the big paper days (Wednesday, Friday and Sunday) we’d both do it.  That worked well until the paper wanted its deliveries to happen before six a.m., effectively squeezing out any kids from the route.  Besides filling in for someone occasionally, I was done with the newspaper business.

In junior high I spent a lot of time doing the easiest job I ever had: babysitting.  Come play with your kids, eat your food, watch TV and get paid to do it.  Now, mind you, the kids I was babysitting were not babies or infants, but five, six and seven years old.  It was so easy.   They would tire out by eight o’clock and I’d get to watch whatever I wanted on TV and talk to my friends on the phone.  My favorite family had a stockpile of microwave popcorn and Sunny Delight always in the fridge.  On a good night, I could make ten or twelve dollars.  Sadly, that is what baby sitters earn an hour these days.  Baby sitting ended for me when high school rolled around and, well, I wanted to go out with my friends on the weekends.

I never read this book

One summer I spend time working for a temp agency.  I had some great jobs there.  I worked moving furniture at a tent sale for a furniture rental company.  It wasn’t too bad, until the last night, when a huge storm rolled in overnight and the parking lot where the tent was set up flooded.  We came in the next morning and had to clean up the mess while loading these wet couches and arm chairs into trailers so they could move on to the next sale.  Great times.

Other jobs that summer included working at a warehouse stacking box displays for shipment to Borders and Barnes and Noble.  I never hated Tom Clancy until seeing the cover of "Debt of Honor."  I touched at least  five  thousand copies of that book in a single day.  Plus, if we set the display up incorrectly, we had to start over.  I was also one of the few English speakers at this job.  I learned lots of Spanish curse words.

Worst Job

Imagine this filled with rolls of paper instead of the Ark of the Covenant

I once worked in a paper warehouse sweeping.  That’s all I did.  From three o’clock to seven o’clock I manned a giant push broom, like they use to clean up a gymnasium floor, and swept the warehouse, starting on one end, weaving up and down the aisles and slowly working my way to the other end.  It took the entire week to do the whole warehouse.  The next week, it started all over again.  Oh my god, was it boring. Remember the closing scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the ark is stored away in the never ending warehouse?  That’s what this was like.  I wasn’t allowed to use headphones because the operators were out on bobcats, stacking rolls of paper, loading and unloading trucks.  What kept me going is they promised me I’d get to run the washer, a ride on sweeper they used once a month to wash the floor, the next time they needed a wash.  A few days later I came in and one of the operators was on the washer.  That was my last day there.

Look for Jobs Part 2: Coming soon...

Thanks for reading!

What did they say?

When you are a kid, you are always learning language, how to use words, what words to use when.  I stare in amazement at my kids as the struggle to find the right word. Sometimes, they come up with their own words  As a kid, I had some of my own words, including “butch car,”and "aach."

My kids are no different.  One of the most interesting aspects of being a parent is trying to figure out what they are trying to say when they come up with new words and prhases.  Some are simple.  I know when my daughter asks for bonilla, she is looking for a bowl of her favorite ice cream flavor, vanilla.  Below, I present for you words and phrases my children use, their definition and a sentence including their usage.  And, no , this is totally not a rip off of Bill Cosby’s Kids say the darndest things.  But, hey, pudding pops for everyone!

Word/Phrase: On this day

Meaning: Today.

Example:  Daddy, on this day do you have to go to work or are you staying home.

Word/Phrase: On that day

Meaning: Any day that is not today, either in the past or in the future. 

Example: Mommy, on that day, is Mimi coming to visit us?  Or Mommy, on that day, when I was a baby, we went swimming in a pool.

Word/Phrase: On the next day

Meaning: Tomorrow

Example: On the next day can we watch Yo Gabba Gabba?

Word/Phrase: Sorry

Meaning: A word used to end a disciplinary action by the person saying, regardless of whether the action is actually completed by the person giving the disciplinary action.

Example: Me (to my daughter):We do not hit people.  You wouldn’t like getting hit, would you?
My daughter (to me) Sorry, daddy.  (My daughter then runs out of the room laughing.)

Word/Phrase: Butch car

Meaning: any car of late sixties / early seventies vintage that is red and has a black convertible top, most likely to be a Pontiac GTO.

Example: Why do the Henderson’s keep their butch car in the garage under all of those boxes?

Word/Phrase: Bitamins

Meaning: These things, overwhelming in the shape of Flintstones characters, that are full of vitamins and given to children daily.

Example: My Daughter(to me): Daddy, I want my bitamin.  Me: You had it already today. My Daughter: I want another bitamin.

Word/Phrase: Batmanmobile

Meaning: Batman’s car.  Not to be confused with the batmobile, which is Bat’s car.

Example: Daddy, look a Lego batmanmobile.

Word/Phrase: Womancat

Meaning: One of Batman’s arch villains. 

Example: Womancat is often chased by the batmanmobile.

Word/Phrase: Bonzani 

Meaning: A vehicle that runs on an ice rink between periods smoothing out the ice. 

Example: Dad, I want to drive the bonzani. 

Word: Mike 

Meaning: what my daughter calls me sometimes instead of Daddy.  Jesus, not even three and she is mocking me by calling me by my first name.  At least she isn’t calling me Mikey or Michael.

There's more but I'll save those for another post.  Hopefully this will help you all understand my children if they are ever speaking to you.

Thanks for reading.

 

To My Friends Who Got Married and Had Children Before I Did

Dear Friends who had Children before me,

Let me start off by apologizing to you.  It’s not that I expect for us to remain friends forever, or that we’d hang out and do dumb things like we did in high school and college years after we’d finished school.  I know we wouldn’t be going to trivia night at BW-3 on Wednesday for the rest of our lives.  I should have known when you got married and stayed in the suburbs, or moved to the suburbs in some cases, that we were on a different schedule, that we had different paths.  I still valued you as a friend, but it was hard to hang out.  I lived and worked in the city and you lived and worked in the suburbs.  And you went to bed early.  I mean really early, on every night of the week.  What’s up with that?  Seriously, at nine o’clock one Tuesday night you shooed me off the phone because it was bed time.  I was just sitting down to dinner.  So I stopped calling so much.  So did you.  And that was okay.  Until THEY came along and it was over.

Not that I was ever against children or having them.  I always figured I’d have some kids of my own but I was sure not ready when I was twenty-five to be in charge of any living thing.   If you don’t believe me, ask my cat from those years (which you can’t do because a) he’s dead, and b) he’d bite your face off because he was a little bastard).  I mean, if there were ever groceries in my refrigerator, they were probably old.  And there was that summer that every weekend I’d jump on my bike and go ride seventy miles each day.  You couldn’t do that.  You had kids.

And you couldn’t talk about anything but your kids.  If we were talking about the Cubs, you’d talk about the pink Cubs onesie your wife’s aunt had bought for you daughter.  If I talked about anything that was on TV past eight o’clock, you looked at me like I was on the moon.  If I let you talk, I heard incessant stories about what Joey or Amber or Caitlyn, Or Kaitlin, or Catylyn had for dinner, or how much she weighed, or how many words she knew.  In fact, you could talk about nothing but your children.  Ever.  And I listened, I just didn’t understand it.  So we stopped talking.  You had another kid.  I had another drink.

Then a few years later I got married and my son was born.  Two years later my daughter came along.  My life changed, I stayed home more, went to bed earlier (not at nine o’clock much) and there was no sleeping in on weekends.  Then, one day, it hit me.  I was at work, talking to a single co-worker who was  twenty four.  And I was telling a story about my son’s preschool play, and how he likes to sing the words to Foo Fighters songs and this guy was giving me a blank stare, like I was from the moon.  And it hit me.

I had become just like you, like anyone who has children.  I was incapable of talking about anything but my children.  And I understood why.

It’s not that I don’t have other interests, or like to read, or see movies or watch the Blackhawks anymore.  But when you have children, especially young children, they ARE your entire life.  You talk about them because that is all you do.  Okay, some people still work but who wants to talk about work.  So you talk about your kids, the things they do, how they used to say “Dummy,” every time they saw a picture of George Bush, or that their favorite show is Yo Gabba Gabba.  In fact, that’s pretty much the only show you get to watch.  And you go to Disney on Ice and read “Goodnight Moon” and “The Little Red Caboose,” which I can recite from memory.  You’d love to talk about other things, but your children are you entire world.  They are your everything.  They absorb every minute of your life, some are wonderful, some are hard, some, especially anytime the get sick in the middle of the night and throw up all over and you are on the third load of laundry and its four am and there is not a clean sheet anywhere in the house, at five am your alarm is going to go off and you are going to have to figure out how to drag your ass through a ten hour work day then come home and do it all over again, are exhausting. 

But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

So, I’m sorry, friends of mine who had children before I did.  Thanks for inviting me to birthday parties, even though I snuck out as soon as I could since I was the only single person there.  I still want to be friends, and now we can trade stories about our children.

What?  Your first born is fifteen now?  In high school?  Learning how to drive.  Wow that was fast.  Mine are still newborns.  No wait, almost five and almost three.

Where does the time go?

 Thanks for reading.

-M

Hey, Alexander

On my way to work this morning, walking from the train, a sign taped to a streetlight caught my eye.  It was bright yellow, maybe goldenrod and it was taped around the pole with clear packing tape.  In Times New Roman font, large size, were two words:  

Hey, Alexander

I walked past it at first then stopped in my tracks.  Was it a band?  Was it some artsy fartsy thing? What is some person’s crazy rant posted up for all to read like Martin Luther?   I retreated a few steps and read it. 

Hey, Alexander

I’m not sure you’ll remember me, but my  name is Dana and we met one night a few weeks ago when you came to a party I was working and you came outside for a smoke.

Oh, interesting.  One of those I saw you and now I want to find out notes that are in the missed connections section of Craig’s list and the back of the Chicago Reader.  Cool.

In summary, the girl wrote her phone number down on the guy’s bar receipt, but wrote it down wrong (hey, girls have totally accidentally given me the wrong number, too).  She had just lost her old phone and got a new one with a new number and didn’t have it memorized.  She said they hit it off and had really interesting conversation.  My favorite part was where she said she was nervous putting her email out there because she knew she’d get Rick Rolled.

It was cold, so I stopped reading and moved on.  But all day long, I couldn’t get Hey Alexander out of my head.  I started spinning my own story around just the first two words, “Hey, Alexander,” hoping it would turn into a short story (and it still might).   I thought about the girl wondering why the guy didn’t call (six days, right Swingers fans?) or maybe the guy calling the wrong number and wondering why the girl gave him a fake phone number.  Did he give up then?  How long did it take her to realize she gave him the wrong number?

Serendipity.  Good luck.  Fortune.  Fate.  Whatever you want to call it.  These people met once, by chance.  What tiny little change could have prevented them from meeting at all?  What if he had met his friends at another place before going to the party and was having so much they never left the first place? What if she worked a different part of the party and just never ran into him?    What if didn’t catch the first cab he hailed and instead took a second cab, which got him to the party later and as he walked in he bumped into an ex-girlfriend who he still loved.  What if Dana hadn’t left early for work and got the message from her boss who told her not to come in because he thought it would be slow at the bar?  Who controls these things? 

The night before Halloween in seventh grade, my friends and I had a sleepover where we did Mad Libs.  Yes, those Mad Libs. When asked for a girl’s name, I blurted out Rachel Lakeman (name changed because she might be reading this).  My friend wrote in  her name.  The next day while trick-or-treating, we ran into Rachel Lakeman dressed as a punk rocker trick-or-treating with her friends.  

 

Serendipity or coincidence?

My friends called out to her and we showed her the Mad Lib book, which, for some reason I was carrying around with us.  She read it, saw her name, ripped out that page and tossed the book back at us.

After that, our paths kept crossing.  We had a few classes together and now she started paying attention to me and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her.  A couple months later, Rachel and I were going out (or whatever going out means in seventh grade.  To tell you the truth I didn’t really get it then).  We went out for a few months and she even gave me the Mad Lib back.  It had been ripped then taped back together, with one piece missing: her name.  (Aww, how sweet.  She kept it that whole time).

Was this fate?  What if I had written down another girl’s name?  What if we hadn’t seen her while trick-or-treating?  Why on Earth why I was carrying the Mad Libs book when we were trick-or-treating and why did we show it to her?

Fate?  Love at first Mad Lib?

Well, no, it turns out.  We lasted a solid two months going out, which is a long time in junior high, and I was even her first dance at her Bat Mitzvah, but that was  it for our relationship, except for a few awkward moments at our ten year high school reunion, which is a story for another time. 

Then I wondered how enthralled by someone you’ve shared a single meeting with do you need to be to make a sign with your name and phone number on it and plaster it all over the city.  I remember riding my bike past Rachel Lakeman’s house after we broke up because there was something about her I couldn’t get over.  But I’d know her for months, and even had kissed her a few times when we went to the movies.  And I was thirteen, and man, thirteen year old boys are pretty clueless when it comes to matters of the heart.   I got over it eventually, until the next girl came along and broke my heart.  And so on.  That’s how it is.

But was there ever someone who I would do that for?  Well, of course.

My wife.

It didn’t start out as love at first sight.  Not exactly.  We shared multiple awkward moments the week we met.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Without getting into too many details let’s just say there had a been a lull in my love life, and it wasn’t for lack of trying.  I had tons of bad dates, blind dates, group dates, getting set up, trying again with the girls where I had bad dates, doing and saying the wrong thing, doing and saying the right thing at the wrong time.  I was at the bottom.  I had sworn of girls, given up trying.  I was “concentrating on work.” Things were not going well for me.

 

Then I met the girl who is now my wife.  And yes, things were awkward at first, but that’s a story for another time, when our kids are older, much, much older.  Then we got over the awkward part.  And I still remember the first time we talked on the phone.  It was a Monday night, and we talked for hours.  And trust me, It was hours.  I know because I hate talking on the phone but with her it was easy and enjoyable.  When we were done, and I was finally going to sleep, sometime around midnight, I said to myself, “I really want to talk to her again.”  And I can’t remember the last time I’d felt that way about someone.

So, the next night I was going to call her.  But she beat me to it.  She called me.  She could have waited for me to call, and I was going, but she called me.  I'm happy to say things went well. Here we are eleven years and two kids later.  Things are great.  Going back in time, if we had only talked that one time, than one night and somehow, I had lost her number or she had lost mine, or something had kept us from talking again, I’m sure I would have gone back to where we met and posted up a sign and tried to track her down.  And if I only got the one time, well, I’m sure I would have survived but you gotta try.  If you feel that way, you have to try to go hunt that beast down.  Take the chance.  What’s the worst that can happen?  You are no worse off for trying.  So what if you get a few crank calls. 

 

What if Alexander is at the bar drinking with his friends and he walks outside to have a cigarette (the poster said he smokes).  He’s been down in the dumps because this girl he met the other night, who he thought he totally hit it off with, gave him a wrong number.   As he’s cupping his hands around his lighter to keep the winter wind from blowing it out, he sees the goldenrod paper out of the corner of his eye.  His eyes lock on the words Hey, Alexander, and he steps to it and reads it.  He starts to smile, takes a long drag on his cigarette then pulls his phone out of his pocket.  He dials the number he sees on the poster.  A woman’s voice answers.  “Hello,” she says.  It’s her.  It’s Dana, the girl from the party.   “Dana?  This is Alexander,” he says.  “You are not going to believe this, but I’m standing outside of Jak’s and I saw your sign.”

This is the perfect ending for a movie, maybe with Ryan Reynolds as Alexander and Rachel McAdams as the plucky Dana.  Man, I hope it turns out this way.

All day, I keep thinking about the poster.  I wish I had read the entire thing.  I leave a couple minutes early hoping to read the whole poster on my way home. But it’s no longer there.  In fact, there’s nothing posted on any streetlights or street signs on the entire block.  They’d been stripped away sometime during the day, left bare like a mini mart before a hurricane.  There had always been things posted on this block, band signs, Radiohead Hail to the Thief stickers, lost dog signs, political signs.  Why, of all days did they clear them today?

Damn.  I will never know the fate of Dana and Alexander.

So, Dana and Alexander, if you are out there, I’m pulling for you.  I hope you find each other.  Call it luck, fate, serendipity, whatever you want to call it.  I just hope it happens.  After all, Valentine’s day is in a few days.

Thanks for reading.  All 36 of you.

Things about Traveling that I like

Last post I ranted on all of the bad things about traveling.  This week I’ll put a positive spin on traveling.

1. Frequent flier free drink coupons.  Beside the ones I earn, I have a few other souces.  Now, before you get all in a huff, I’m not downing gin and tonics at seven in the morning on my way out.  But a nice jack and coke on the evening flight home is great joy.
2. When I get the free drink, and they actually give me the entire can and entire mini bottle of Jack Daniels.  Yum.
3. Food I can’t get at home.  Don’t over think it people.  There’s nothing  better than a double double at In-n-Out burger accompanied by a facebook post of the meal.  My friends who love In-n-Out and don’t get to eat it post profanity laced comments while those who can get it any time mention how much they love it.    Chick-Fil-A in the south (although we have them in Chicago now).  Del Taco, well, never.  It’s just not very good.  But you get my point.
4. Do it yourself waffle irons.  Some of the mid-tier hotel chains entice you to stay with them by offering a free breakfast.  Many are nothing more than a box of cereal, some tasteless cut up pineapple and watermelon and luke warm, bitter coffee.  The good places have a waffle iron.  You fill a tiny cup with batter, pour it onto the waffle iron and in just one hundred and thirty seconds, a perfectly browned Belgian waffle is yours.  With practice, I’ve been getting better at not overfilling the waffle iron and causing it to spill on the table.
5. An entire row to myself.  Remember back before 9/11 when planes didn’t seem to care if they sold all the seats on the plane?  There were always empty seats.  Nowadays, airlines are scraping for every penny with bag fees, ten bucks to check in early, headset fees, snack fees, barf bag fees, don’t even think of asking your flight attendant for anything fees.  It seems that every flight is full.  But I keep running into one except.  One place I fly, the flight there is always full, but the flight home usually has empty seats.  It’s nice not to get elbowed by the guy next to me who is asleep, or have the person in front of my jack their seat back the second I open my laptop.  This week I had the entire row to myself.  I stuffed my bag under the seat next to me, stretched out my feet and kept my books and magazines on the seat next to me.  It was awesome.  Now if I just knew why so many people fly to Oakland but so few out.
6. ESPN’s Sport Center.  I don’t watch Sports Center much anymore.  In college, I watched it religiously.  But in hotels, I start my day with Sports Center, because no matter what time I get up, in exactly one hour, I will have seen everything I need to.  I still want to find the person who thought having news people standing up while on camera was a good idea.  They are always fidgeting and rolling their scripts, and rocking back and forth.  Get back behind the desk.  Make me wonder if you are wearing pants or not. 
7. Fun rental cars.  This doesn’t happen much.  I usually end up with a Ford Tarus with 30,000 miles, and there was that one time I had a Hyundai Sonata where the power steering didn’t work,  but every once in a while, you get a car that’s fun to drive.  On this last trip, I had a Buick (insert).  Once I got used to starting the car without the key and the terrible blind spot, it was fun to drive.  It had some balls.  It helps that my normal cars are lacking in acceleration and are, well, very practical.
8. Having extra time to relax.  On a good trip, I get to stop working at a normal time.  Usually the hotel is close to the office, so my normal commute is gone.  I get to work out, then head out for a nice dinner, with no cooking or cleaning involved.  Since I am not at home, there are no after dinner chores to do.  No taking the garbage out, no sifting through piles of junk mail, no cleaning the litter box.    I don’t have to worry about picking clothes for tomorrow because I’ve only got three shirts with me.
9. Coming home.  This is the best thing.  I know, totally cheesy, but  I’ve never been on a trip that I didn’t want to come home from.  Even better than that is the rare time the flight home lands early and the kids are still awake, not knowing that I’m getting home before they go to bed.  The welcome home hugs and kisses are a lot longer and tighter if I’ve been gone for a few days.