Look Who's Fifty

One of my friends sent me these words today on a group text on my 50^th birthday:

“Time is the trickster. Today I woke up half a century old. I am not ready. Too much yet to do. Too much everyday living. Too much unsaid, unimagined.”

Another friend on the group answered: “Thanks for the daily existential crisis.”

Time IS the ultimate trickster. One day, you are showing your five-year-old how to make armpit farts, which he mastered in a single evening, and then he is graduating high school and heading to U of I in a few months.

Sunrise at the Adler Planetarium

Fifty is a big number. Half a century. Closer to 100 than birth. Every Chicago sports team has won a championship in my lifetime. I’ve outlived my father by eleven years. And I’ve learned a lot and experienced a lot over the years and some of things I want to share. Many of these are commonly known, many of them are things people have already said or written. Originally, I was hoping to have this all done by my 50^th birthday but, you know, 49 has been kicking my ass. So, I’m just going to keep adding to the list and republishing it as I add things. Hopefully over the next 50 days I’ll make it all the way to the end of the list.  So, here it is. Fifty things to do, fifty things to share, fifty things I learned, fifty things you should know. 

 

Sunset on Manhattan Beach, CA

 1) Get up early and watch the sunrise. Take someone with you. Sunrises are slow and waiting for its reveal gives you time to talk, time to think, time to watch. It’s good to take time. I like to go out to the Adler Planetarium and watch the sun come up over Lake Michigan. The last few summers my daughter has come with me. It’s been a new tradition we do before school starts again. Mostly I let her talk and I answer any questions she has for me.

2) Watch sunsets. Every chance you get. Many of them are ordinary, but the spectacular ones will stay imprinted in your memory longer than the few moments you paused to gaze at them. Take pictures of them so you can look at them again to remind you to get out there and see the next one.

3) Warm up before you do things. This doesn’t just apply to physical activity, although for that it is a must (the number of times my back has seize on me while running when I don’t warm up and stretch before I start is getting hard to count). Warm up for everything. I warm up in the morning by feeding the dogs, making coffee and reading the news (on-line instead of in newspaper form).

The Green Mill

4)  Sometimes you just need to say yes to something, even when it makes no sense, like going out at 9pm on a Sunday night because Marty Montana is in from Seattle and you were gone all weekend and haven’t seen him yet and he’s headed home Monday on an 11am flight. Seems like you should just go to bed but when you’renext to Marty in a booth at the Green Mill watching a German speaking jazz trio play at three a.m. and you stop at Clarke’s for waffles then head home for a few hours asleep before going to work, you’ve had a great night. You haven’t seen Marty since. See why it was important to say yes?

5)      Don’t be an asshole. People don’t like assholes. We sometimes tolerate them, but only when we have to. Don’t work for assholes, don’t hang out without. Don’t be an asshole to people at restaurants, don’t drive like an asshole and most importantly don’t teach your kids to be assholes.  There’s more than enough out there already.

6)      Vote in every election, especially the small local ones for you school board, city council, town president, mayor, library board, or, like we have where I live, the Metropolitan Water Reclamation District. And if you don’t like anyone who is running, run yourself. Many of these positions are unpaid, and unglamorous, but necessary for a functioning government, especially locally.

7)      Attend baseball games. It doesn’t have to be at a major league park, although almost nothing beats a Friday 1:20pm game at Wrigley Field. Go see a minor league game, a college game, a high school, or just the little league kids at your local park. Baseball lends itself to conversation while the game is being played, so bring someone with you.

8)      Call your mother. She misses you. And if you can’t call her, just talk to her in your head. You probably miss her, too.

9)      That person you haven’t talked to in forever probably wants to talk to you, too, so reach out now. If you wait too long, it might be too late to hear their voice or see them and you will be reminded that you wanted to reach out, but you didn’t.

10)      Don’t sweat the small stuff. I know, someone else wrote that, but it’s important. Those things you think are going to haunt you forever, like you fly being unzipped during your sixth grade play and not just one, but both performances, are forgotten by most. Those things happen to everyone.

11)      But don’t overlook the small things either. Be polite. Say please and thank you. Introduce yourself to new people. Send thank you notes. Call just to say hi. The effort is small, and so is the payoff but all those small things add up in the long run.

12)      Send postcards. People love getting postcards. It doesn’t even matter what you write. I sent a baseball postcard a few years ago to my pen pal from 3^rd grade. I send postcards of places I’ve never been to. I send postcards from restaurants. It’s nice to get good mail.

13)      The best place to nap is outside in the shade on a nice day.

14)      Wake up before everyone else in your house and enjoy the quiet. And not just if you have kids. I did this regularly in college and it was like I was having secret fun that no one else knew about.

15)      Be the person who sees the last slice of pizza and says, “I’m going to make sure everyone has eaten some,” and not the person who says, “I’m going to eat that before anyone else gets it.” Substitute just about anything for pizza and it still applies.

16)      If you are going to do it, try your very best. You may fail; you may do okay; you may not like whatever it was you were doing. But it’s much easier for your long-term mental health to know that you gave it your all than to have doubts or regrets that you could have tried harder.

17)      Never forget the ones you loved, even if you don’t love them anymore and they don’t love you anymore. It once was, and that’s something.

18) A cold beer after work on a hot day is wonderful. Refreshment after hard work is a great reward. Just ask Andy Dufresne. Substitute your drink of choice in place of beer.

19) Sing along to music, wherever you are. Singing is good for the soul. When ‘Hey Jealousy’ comes on in the Jewel, sing that chorus. When the opposing team makes a pitching change at Wrigley Field, sing and dance to ‘YMCA.’  Learn the words to your kid’s favorite songs, whether it be ‘Go Go, Thomas!’ or Taylor Swift and sing along to those as well. It doesn’t matter if you think you are a good singer or not.   

20) Go see your kids play sports. But not every game. Give them a chance to compete without you looking over their shoulders so they know they can compete when you aren’t looking over their shoulders.