Dear Mr. Squirrel
1)
At first I didn’t
believe it happened. I was just driving
along headed home from running errands.
I saw you there on the parkway, headed towards that tree. Then that black Mercedes backed out of a
driveway and you, instead of heading for the safety of the walnut tree three
feet away from you, you darted into the street.
I tried to slow down, but there wasn’t enough time or space and my
brakes were kind of soft. I didn’t hear a thud or a thump or a crunch so I was
sure I missed you. But as a drove away,
I could see you, a much flatter you, smashed into the street, not moving.
2)
Dammit, squirrel,
why did you go into the street? Didn’t
your mother teach you anything? Look
both ways before crossing the street.
You should have been playing in the backyard away from the traffic, not
in the front yard. Why would you go that
way? The tree is always safer, unless Lindsey Lohan is driving nearby but she would never be in our neighborhood. How could you be so dumb? I mean besides you
tiny, tiny brain, which is now tinier and flatter.
3)
Maybe that wasn’t
you. Maybe it was a pile of leaves. Maybe you got between the wheels, you ducked
down, then scampered back out of the street before I could look back and see
you. Even if that is you on road, maybe
you didn’t get squished under my tires.
Maybe you are stuck to the road in fear, unable to move. I mean, that happens to squirrels,
right? Okay, if you are injured, maybe
it’s pretty minor. Maybe I just clipped
your tail. Oh, please be okay Mr.
Squirrel.
4)
How could I have
done such a thing? I am not going to
be able sleep tonight. I’ll be thinking about
the innocent squirrel life I ended, tossing and turned in my bed, crying. I am such a terrible person. This is going to take me days or weeks to get
over. What am I going to tell my
children? What would they think if they
knew I was a squirrel killer? I am so
depressed.
5)
But, really, he’s just a squirrel. There are hundreds of them in our
neighborhood. We see so many when we
walk the dog. Plus, come on, it’s just a
fucking squirrel. I mean, circle of
life. If I didn’t get him with my car,
somebody else would have, or worse, a coyote would have got him. At least when I squished his tiny little head
into the road, it all ended quickly. I
don’t think a coyote would have been that compassionate. Yes, I am compassionate. I love squirrels, and I’m going to keep
loving them, even if they keep running in front of my car.
So long, Mr.
Squirrel. I hope you are in squirrel
heaven, chasing your squirrel friends, jumping from tree to tree, eating
through the pumpkins I send to pumpkin heaven after Halloween. You are in a far
better place.
Mike
The Driver of the
White SUV who squished you
Thanks for
reading
