NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs 2015 - First Round Predictions

April is here already?  But the snow just finished melting (hell, when I was in Minneapolis last week and it snowed two days in a row).  The good news is the weather is improving and the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs are starting. What I can say for sure is the Los Angeles Kings will not repeat as champs, as they become the first Stanley Cup champs to fail to make the playoffs the next year since the Carolina Hurricanes ten years ago. And it’s really weird not seeing the San Jose Sharks in the playoffs ready to make their annual first round exit. So, let’s get right to the First Round preview. I've again assembled my crack panel of NHL experts. 

Eastern Conference (The OK conference)

New York Rangers vs Pittsburgh Penguins

The Rangers were the top team in the East pretty much the whole season, even when Hendrik Lunquist missed some serious time with an injury. They are a much better team going into the playoffs this year than they were last year when they made their run to the Stanley Cups finals.  The Penguins?  Not so much.  They barely made it and have had some injuries to key players, Like Evgeni Malkin and Kris Letang.  The Penguins have done little in the playoffs the last five years. Don’t expect them to do much this year either.  Rangers in 6.

Montreal vs Ottawa

Montreal was one of the top teams in the East all season long Carey Price will likely be a Hart finalist.  The Senators were in a deep hole as recently as January until goaltender Andrew Hammond came to the rescue.  The Senators come into the playoffs in fire and again, I just don’t think the Habs are that much better than then.  Senators in 6.

Tampa Bay Lightning vs Detroit (sucks) Red Wings

Tampa Bay lead the league in scoring and was second in goal differential.  Detroit somehow managed to keep their playoff streak alive as some of their younger players finally stepped up and produced.  But who will start in goal for them.  It doesn’t matter.  They hit the golf course by May 1^st.  Lightening in 6 (Sorry McKee).

Washington Capitals vs New York Islanders

These two teams tied with 101 points in the regular season but the Caps secured home ice on the tie breaker.  Alexander Ovechkin bounced back from a subpar season last year to lead the league on goals.  The Islanders are fun to watch but struggled a bit the last ten games or so.  I’m bucking the trend and going with the Islanders in seven.

Western Conference (The good conference)

Anaheim Ducks vs Winnipeg Jets

The Ducks were the best of the west all season long.  Good goaltending, solid defense and a lot of scoring will help you win a lot of games.  The Jets have a very talented team and have been on the cusp of the playoffs the last few years.  Jets fans will be going nuts at home games, but they might only have two of them.  The Ducks are good and deep.  Ducks in 5.

Vancouver Canucks vs Calgary Flames

The Canucks had a good season, minus the traded Ryan Kesler, as the Sedin twins put up their normal numbers and Ryan Miller played solid, if not spectacular, in goal.  The Flames made the playoffs?  Really?  The Flames finished third in their division even though they had the fewest points of the eight teams that qualified in the West.  They overachieved all season long and were supposed to lose out to the Kings, but the Kings forgot to win and the Flames forgot to lose.  They were supposed to be rebuilding.  They will be done quickly.  Vancouver in 6.

St. Louis Blues v Minnesota Wild

The Blues finished strong to nap the top spot in the Central, the best division in hockey, which sent five teams to the playoffs.  They caught Nashville and kept ahead of the Hawks and their reward is the Wild, who have been the best of the West the last two months since they traded for Devan Dubnyk.  Who will start in goal for the Blues, Brian Elliot who struggled down the stretch (costing me a fantasy hockey championship) or Jake Allen, who has little playoff experience?  This most will be a fun series to watch.  Blues in 7.

Chicago Blackhawks vs. Nashville Predators

The Predators lead the division most of the season but only garnered two points in their last six games.  The Blackhawks ended the season with four straight losses, which cost them home ice in this series.  Patrick Kane is expected back from his shoulder injury, which is great news for the Hawks who have struggled to score the last month of the season.  You don’t want to be struggling to score when you are up against Pekka Rinne.  As long as Corey Crawford plays well, this is the Hawks series to win.  Hawks in 7.

Here’s the predictions from my panel of experts.  I like how the only thing we agree on is the Hawks and Blues (we are all either Hawks or Blues fans).

Series	Mike	Jax	Jarrett	Bob
Rangers vs Penguins	Rangers in 6	Rangers in 6	Rangers in 5	Rangers in 5
Canadians vs Senators	Senators in 6	Canadians in 6	Canadians in 5	Canadians in 7
Lightning vs Red Wings	Lightning in 6	Red Wings in 7	Lightning in 7	Lightning in 5
Capitals vs Islanders	Islanders in 7	Islanders in 6	Islanders in 7	Capitals in 6
Ducks vs Jets	Ducks in 5	Jets in 6	Ducks in 6	Ducks in 4
Canucks vs Flames	Canucks in 6	Canucks in 6	Flames in 7	Canucks in 6
Blues vs Wild	Blues in 7	Blues in 7	Blues in 7	Blues in 6
Blackhawks vs Predators	Hawks in 7	Hawks in 6	Hawks in 6	Hawks in 5

 

Check in again after the first round  to see how we did and to see the second round preview.

 

The Porcelain Palace

My parents moved us out of the city to the suburbs in 1977 when I was only two years old.  I don’t think they really wanted to but my father’s company had moved their headquarters from a downtown office building to a suburban office park, just like so many other companies had, and the commute was wearing on him.  They had hoped to stay in the city, on the far north side in the Sauganash neighborhood but when compared to the size of the new houses we could afford in the northwest suburbs, Sauganash lost out to Arlington Heights.

For the most part, my parent’s families had stayed in the city on the south side where they grew up (or reasonably close: Oak Lawn is barely a suburb).  By second grade I had memorized the roads to get to my both of my grandparent’s house after the countless number of trips there.

There were certain things on the south side my parents missed.  The drive through liquor store, that sporting goods store on Harlem by the Daily Southtown office, the bowling alley my dad supposedly rolled a 300 game when he was fifteen or sixteen, the CTA buses my mother favored because she didn’t drive.  There were things they didn’t miss, like living next to my mother’s mother.  But every trip to the south side ended with a visit to the place.  A place many of you have maybe only gone to after drinking, but a place I’d gone to a hundred times by the time I was eight years old.

White Castle.  Sliders.  The Porcelain Palace.  Whitey’s.  Call it what you want, just don’t call it Krystal’s.  It might have been my dad’s favorite thing in the world, or at least that’s the way I like to remember it.  

I like the black and white logo better

While other people were stuffing themselves with second helpings of turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce on thanksgiving, our family was saving room for the stop at the White Castle at 63^rd Street and Cicero, probably best known as the White Castle so close to Midway Airport, you can reach out and pull a sack of sliders from the drive thru as your plane lands.  And there was a routine.

How We Ordered

The White Castle menu has grown to over twenty five items over the last few years, but we only ever order one thing: the classic White Castle hamburger. Usually somewhere between twenty and thirty of them.

On the way to White Castle my dad would ask everyone how many they wanted with the total added up before we pulled into the lot.  My mom would stay in the car.  One or all three of us kids would go in with my dad.  He’d get in line and order.  Us kids would press our faces up to the glass and watch them cook.  Every White Castle had a window where you could watch the grill master work.   First, he’d scatter a layer of finely chopped onions across the grill.  Then, from a frozen stack he’d shuffle out the iconic five holed beef patties, super thin, tiny squares. Once the patties were on the grill, the bun, both top and bottom, would be placed onto of the patties, to steam up.  Once the patties were cooked, no flipping involved, they were lifted by a spatula, bottom bun slide underneath, a pickle added atop the patty before being capped by the top of the bun and stuffed into the famous White Castle boxes.

The magic is in the holes

Once the order was complete and my dad had the sack in his hands, we headed back to the car (you see kids, there weren’t many drive through windows back in my day).  My dad would hand the bag to my mom and start driving.  Mom was in charge of handing out sliders to everyone and she also controlled the pickle box.  My brother and sister both didn’t like pickles but they weren’t allowed to order them without them.  Unwanted pickles were removed and placed in the pickle box for the rest of us pickle eaters to eat or to add to our own sliders.  (Note: As adults, my brother and sister are finally allowed to order them without pickles.)  Most of the time, all the burgers would be gone before we made it onto the highway to head back to Arlington Heights, leaving only the smell of onions and pickles a stack of folded White Castle boxes in a bag. 

How famous are the boxes?  In Kindergarten, I brought a back of empty White Castle boxes to preschool.  My teacher, Mrs. Corday, sent a note home to my parents thanking me after she smelled the inside of the boxes.  She was a White Castle fan.

The Next Generation

My mom tells me sliders were my fist solid food, although they are barely solid.  All three of my children ate White Castles at an early age.  And they like them.  My daughter especially.

One night after we had returned home from a family party on the south side where neither kid at much, they both complained about being hungry.  We found a box of frozen White Castles from the grocery store.  My son asked for those.  Then so did my daughter.  But there were only two left.  She started to whine.  She gets cranky when she is hungry.  We call it being hangry.  You don’t want to make her hangry.  You wouldn’t like it if she was hangry.

We ate these

“I want White Castles, too,” I said.  “Let’s go get some.”

There are three White Castles within two miles of our house, My daughter and I climbed in the car and drove to the nearest one.  On the way there, we figured out how many we wanted.  I ordered.  We went to the window and I lifted her up so she could watch them cook on the grill.  First the onions, then the patties, then the buns steaming on top.  We watched them put them together, slide them in to the boxes then they handed us the bag.  We each ate one on the short drive home.  We brought them in the house and shared them with everyone.

The next morning when I opened my car door the smell was still there.  It reminds me of everything good about being younger.  Looking forward to family events, not just to see my cousins but knowing that on the way home I was going to get White Castles. Hell, it was probably the reason my parents looked forward to going to the south side.

Thanks for reading.

Everything I learned from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

Tired of the same movies my children had forced me to watch over and over (I’m looking at you, Frozen), but too cheap to spring the five bucks for a new on demand movie, I flipped through the free movies our basic service yet premium priced cable service provided.

Hmm, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.   

So I fired it up, and the kids loved it.  From Pee Wee’s Tour de France dream as the movie began to the entire cast reassembled to watch the movie premiere at the drive in, they were glued to the TV.  My son still screams “What’s the significance?  I don’t know” every once in a while and both of them jumped off the couch when Large Marge showed her face after the twisted wreck.

It reminded me of the things I learned from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure when I was a kid.  I’d first watched it when I was ten and even showed it at my birthday party that year.  (The next day I watched the Large Marge scene frame by frame using our VCR’s pause and single frame advance buttons.  Ah, mid-eighties technology.  It really took out the scariness.)

So here are some things I learned from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

1)      Riding a bike is cool.  Riding a tricked out bike is cooler.

I rode my bike all the time as a kid.  After dinner, I would hop on my knockoff Schwinn bought at the Sears Outlet Store and ride around our neighborhood until right before the streetlights came on.  I’d stop in the park, watch the old guys play sixteen inch softball, scream down the dirt trails on the hill at the end of our street and wind through the banked path through the park.  It was exhilarating.  Alas, though, I never had a horn like Pee Wee did.  Of course, it was no longer cool to ride a bike once high school started, since upper classmen were driving cars.  But for a few years I was cool. I think.

2)      Don’t Trust Fortune Tellers.

This movie forever ruined fortune tellers for me.  Cast as money hungry shysters hustling and lying for a buck, the image sticks with me to this day. A broken-hearted Pee Wee is searching for his cherished bike and some creepy looking faux psychic stares into a fake crystal ball, looks out her window and sends poor Pee Wee on a wild bike chase to Texas.  If all outcomes “seen” by palm readers are based on neon signs hanging across the street from their store fronts, I want nothing to do with it. 

3)      There is no basement at the Alamo

Historically accurate.  The Alamo is tiny.  It seems much smaller in person than in the movie.  My brother and I toured it in twenty minutes.  Oh, and even almost thirty years later, they don’t like the question.  But at least they don’t point and laugh at you when you ask about the basement like they did in the movie.

4)      Clowns are creepy

When Pee Wee locked his bike to the clown while running his errands, it felt ominous to me.  Just a few minutes later, the clown is cackling at Pee Wee after his bike is stolen.  That creepy fucking clown scared the shit out of me as much as Large Marge’s face.  It might be the reason why back in college when one of my floor mates dressed up as a clown I said “Fuck you, clown,” as I passed him while taking the garbage to the trash chute.

5)      Rich people have bathtubs as big as pools.

I would have taken a bath everyday if I had a pool, er, bathtub as big as Francis’s.  The bath tub toys were even gigantic.  The boat Francis played with looked like the G.I. Joe aircraft carrier except that it actually floated.  Now, some tree hugging eco friendly hippies would say bathing in a tub that big regularly is a monster waste of water, but I still want it.

6)      Morgan Fairchild is pretty hot.

Enough Said.  I never watched any of the soapy shows she was on, but I was a fan.

7)      There are serious penalties for cutting tags offof a mattress before it is sold.

After watching the movie the first time, I checked all the mattresses in our house to see if I need to report my mother to the proper authorities or if we were going to go through life hiding our criminal activities.  Thank God for Google these days.

8)      Everyone in Texas wears cowboy hats, cowboy boots and sings that song.

Um, well, many people in Texas wear cowboy hats and boots.  But most of the people I’ve met in Texas aren’t from Texas and wear sandals because it is so friggin’ hot.  The stars at night, however, are big and bright.

9)      Deep down behind the façade of toughness, biker gangs just want to be around good dances

This never made any sense to me, but how the hell else were they going to get Pee Wee to dance on a bar in those shoes?  Plus they needed to move the plot forward. 

10)    Wiping out with style is cool.

Early in the movie Pee Wee wipes out in front of a group of kids while imitating their stunts.  As he dusts himself off he says, “I meant to do that,” thus qualifying his actions as trick, not a mistake.  So when you wipe out in life, just spring right bake up and shout “I meant to do that,” something my sister and I did often as kids.  Like when you slip while climbing the stairs, or accidentally dump out your backpack on the floor in front of your locker.  Or that time you accidentally shoot your dog.  Wait, maybe not that one.  You did that on purpose.

So, instead of wasting your hard earned money on some new release, go watch Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.  Save on your cable bill, you kids will love it (or you will, if you don’t have kids), and you’ll learn all of these things.  But you just read them here.  Well, go watch the movie anyway and then read this again after you watch the movie.  Or, as Pee Wee says, “I don’t have to see it, Dottie. I lived it.”

Thanks for reading.

Living in Riverside (or 9 Things You Should Know About Riverside)

Okay, so we moved.  I know, it was like a year ago and trust me I’ve tried to write about it but there’s so many things to write about when you move and I had a hard time focusing in on one thing and the next thing you know I’m rambling, I’m at three thousand words and I haven’t really said anything and who the hell is going to read a blog post that is three thousand words and doesn’t say anything, I mean my mother barely ever reads this so I don't want to scare anyone off, especially not an agent or editor at a large publisher looking for some dynamic writing talent...wait, I'm doing it again.  Okay, I'll stop.  So, narrower focus, and there will be a bunch of posts about moving.  But for now, let’s talk a bit about where we moved.  Here's a little joke to get us started.

You the Reader: So, where did you move to?

Me: Riverside.

You the Reader: Where’s that?

Me: It’s next to the River.

You the Reader:  HAHAHAHAHAHA, you are so funny.

 

9 Things You Should Know About Riverside
 (This is a terrible title but I see these types of terrible titles on every article on the interwebs so I should just shut up and conform).

The first thing you should know about Riverside is that no one seems to know where Riverside is located.  For a long time that list included me.  So, for those of you who don’t know where Riverside is, do you know where Brookfield Zoo is located?  Riverside is right by the zoo (more on that later).  But, let’s get to know Riverside.

1)      Riverside is a small town.   With a population of about 9,000 people and a area of less than 2 square miles, Riverside is situated 12 miles southwest of Downtown Chicago.  First started in 1868 by the Riverside Development Company, Riverside was one of the first planned towns.  It was laid out by famed landscape architect Frederick Law Olmstead, who is most famous for his work on Central Park in New York City and his contributions to the Chicago World’s fair of 1893. 

2)      Riverside has curvy streets.  It is easy to get lost in Riverside because none of the streets are straight.  Olmstead laid out the entire town’s streets, which cannot be called a grid, before anything was build and he included curved streets that meet other streets at weird angles, leaving triangular shape green spots in the middle of streets (see map).  The street we live on starts at one end of town, curves 180 degrees and then ends halfway across town going in the complete opposite direction from which it started.  Pizza delivery people hate our town because it is so easy to get lost (more on Pizza delivery people later).

 

3)      If you move to Riverside, you must own a tandem bike.  Okay, this is not actually true, but it should be.  Prior to moving here, I had seen maybe a dozen tandem bikes, mostly in cartoons from the 40s (find example).  The day we moved in, I saw at least six.  And that trend has never stopped.  We have yet to acquire the required two seater bike, but I’m hoping that someone will take pity on us and leave their extra tandem bike as a gift on our driveway.

4)      Riverside is a small town.  I know I said that already.  The entire town is two square miles.  That’s it.   It is physically small.  And people never leave here.  Well, most don’t.  One of my kid’s teacher grew up here.  She went to school at the school where she now teaches.  She knew the people who owned our house before we bought it.  She described playing in one of the bedrooms.  She described the bedroom.  Half the people we have met here grew up here, then moved to the city in their twenties only to move back here after having children.  Everyone knows everyone.  At least the ones who have lived here forever.  We’re just getting into it.  (Full disclosure: my father-in-law grew up in Riverside.  I go past his childhood house every day on the way to the train station.

5)      Riverside is dark.  The modern electric streetlight came in to favor in the late 1800s, replacing the expensive and dangerously fire prone gas lights.  Except in Riverside.  Yes, we still have gas lights.  Yes, technology from the 1830s is what we use to light our streets.  Except it doesn’t really work.  If you look at a picture of the Chicago Metropolitan area at night, you’ll see a very dark spot (no not the one on the right side of the picture, that’s Lake Michigan).  Look straight west of Downtown, then a little bit south.  See that black area?  That’s Riverside.  Now, if you find a good picture, let me know so I can add it.  Every time I search for Chicagoland at night, I get pictures of a race track.  At our old house, the street lights were so bright I could read a book on my front stoop at midnight.  In Riverside, it takes my eyes five minutes to adjust to the darkness before I can pull the car into the driveway.  Oh, and gaslights burn all the time, even when it is not dark out.  So, we’ve got that going for us.  And remember those Pizza delivery drivers I was talking about earlier? Combine curving streets that turn back on each other and almost total darkness and what do you get?  Late pizza!  It’s not just them.  I’ve lost count of how many times I have driven past my house while driving home at night.  You just can’t see it.  Everyone loves December in Riverside because with everyone’s Christmas lights on, you can actually see.

 

Looking at the river as I type this

6)      The Des Plaines River is the river that Riverside is alongside of.  (oh what a terrible sentence!)  I grew up in the Northwest suburbs where the Des Plaines rivers is more like a creek that you can step across.   The river is a bigger down here and people actually fish in it  Downtown riverside abuts the river.  As I write this, I am starting at the river out of the Riverside library’s reading room.  People spent a lot of time watching the River.  Especially when it rains and the River levels rise.  Since we have moved here, the river has flooded its banks in downtown riverside 3 times.  Don’t be alarmed, part of that is by plan (link to cool pictures).  One of the times was in January when ice dammed the river and then it rained, which scatter huge boulders of ice into the park next to the river.  When the river is high, everyone in town comes to the river’s edge to watch the water.  I’m not sure I totally understand this, but after a few minutes, watching the water can be mesmerizing, especially when it is moving fast, or its full of driftwood.

7)      Our new house in Riverside has 14 stairs from the first floor to the second floor.  Every other house I have ever lived in has thirteen.  I found that out one night in total darkness and took a little spill when I thought I was at the bottom.  I just figured I’d spare you that experience if you ever come over.

8)      Lots of famous people have lived in Riverside.  Um, well, not really. Former Chicago Bulls announcer Johnny ‘Redd’ Kerr lived here, a couple of Al Capone cronies and two current Illinois politicians do, but that’s about it.   But we’ve had our share of movies and TV shows that have used our lovely town.  The Lake House with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. In the Company of Darkness, a made for TV movie starring Helen Hunt. And Betrayal, which was already cancelled.  Um, so not much going on here either.

9)      Riverside is home.  It didn’t feel like it a first.  I drove home the wrong way from work a few times, almost got on the wrong train.  But after a year, we are settling in.  So, if you can navigate your way through the weaving streets and don’t get lost in the dark, come visit us.

Coming up.  More about moving.

Thanks For Reading

Stanley Cup Playoffs Second Round Predictions 2014

Wow.

That was a wild first round with three game 7s played on the same night.  If you are a San Jose Sharks fan, I feel for you.  Being up 3-0 then losing four straight has to hurt.  Let’s quickly recap, see how our experts did in round one, then move on to round 2.

Experts Standings                                                                        

Clarence “Screaming Buffalo” Swampton                               7

Tim “Dr. Hoo” McCraken                                                            6

Me                                                                                                   6

Throb Longpenis                                                                           5

The good news is we all beat the monkey score (for those of you who did not have Mr. Ploplys for high school physics, the money score is the score a monkey would get by randomly choosing an answer).  Swampton also picked the correct number of games in 6 of the 7 series he correctly called, McCraken got 3, Longpenis 2 and I correctly got 3.

The NHL’s new playoff format was intended to foster rivalries in the playoffs, and did just that for three of the four series.  Let’s start in the East

Eastern Conference

Montreal Canadians vs. Boston Bruins

Montreal eased their way to a four game sweep of the Tampa Bay Lightning, although 3 of 4 were decided by a single goal.  They will have a much tougher matchup in round 2 against Boston, who spanked the Detroit (sucks) Red Wings.  The Wings gave their fans hope by winning game one, but that’s all they could muster.   It’s great to see two Original Six teams match up against each other. Tukka Raask was magnificent in the first round and Boston is still the best of the East.  Boston in 6.

Pittsburgh Penguins vs. New York Rangers

Wait, Crosby hasn’t scored a goal yet and the Penguins advanced past the first round?  Oh yeah, they’ve got plenty of scorers.  The Rangers survived against Philly even though they were maddeningly inconsistent.  The team who plays better defense will most likely win the series.  Fortunately for Pittsburgh, they have a larger margin of error.  A lot rides on the stick of Rick Nash for New York but Sid and the rest of the Penguins should win out.  Pittsburgh in 6

Western Conference

Minnesota Wild vs.  Chicago Blackhawks

Well, so much for seeding.  I’m still trying to figure out how Minnesota improbably rallied down 3-2 to beat Colorado in overtime last night.  So much for being cannon fodder.  Wait, I take that back.  They will be second round cannon fodder this year against the Blackhawks, instead of first round cannon fodder.  The Hawks rallied back from a 2-0 hole and beat the Blues four straight to move on and in this round they have home ice.  Anyone know who has been the best goaltender in the playoffs so far?  Well, its Rask, but Corey Crawford is a close second.  He stole game 3 for the Hawks and it looks like the Hawks forwards remembered how to put the puck in the net in game six.  Hawks in 5.

Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. Los Angeles Kings

The series will the least amount of travel.  I never wavered in my belief that the Kings were going to beat San Jose, not even while down in a 3-0 hole.  The Ducks were trailing by two goals with less than three minutes left when they stunned the Dallas Starts by scoring twice to send the game to OT then winning early in the OT.  It’s going to be a long off season if you are a Sharks fan or a Stars fan.  This is the first post-season meeting between these two teams.  Two deep teams who are good on both offense and defense.  This will be a great series, but it will come down to goaltending and Jonathan Quick is the man.  Kings in 7.

Here are the expert's predictions.

Series	Clarence "Screaming Buffalo" Swamptown	Tim “Dr. Hook” McCracken	Throb Longpenis	Mike Smolarek
Round 2
Eastern Conf
NYR vs Pittsburgh	Rangers in 7	Pittsburgh in 7	Pittsburgh in 6	Pittsburgh in 6
Boston vs. Montreal	Boston in 6	Boston in 6	Boston in 6	Boston in 7
West Conf
Anaheim vs. Los Angeles	Anaheim in 7	Anaheim in 7	Anaheim in 6	Los Angeles in 7
Chicago vs. Minnesota	Chicago in 5	Chicago in 5	Chicago in 5	Chicago in 6